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Childlessness and broken
homes
THE problem
of childlessness has remained a bone of contention in most African
setting. The home is a vital part of the society; it comprises of
the father, mother and the children; it can also be called a family.
In Africa, life is believed to be a circle around the unborn, the
living and the dead. Families must not be cut out of this circle as
there must be an heir or a representative to carry on the name of
the family after the old ones are long gone. This belief by Africans
makes it compulsory for the family to produce offsprings that will
carry on their names; and anything that stands in the way of
achieving this is seen as an enemy and therefore must be treated as
such.
The issue of childlessness in the home has caused so much damage and
most times led to broken homes. The woman is always blamed if she is
not able to produce children for her husband, without efforts being
made to find out if the problem is truly from her. For example, a
woman who has been married to a man for over 10 years without a
child due to one problem or the other, may be threatened by in-laws
to leave the man’s house. In most instances, the man may be
instigated into taking another wife leading to polygamy.
Childlessness also brings misunderstanding between the husband and
the wife, making the home tensed for both of them. In some homes, in
order for couples to avoid such misunderstanding, they go an extra
mile to adopt children because they want peace to reign. In some
cases, couples go to extremes by meeting midwives (nurses) or even
arranging with the mother of a baby to sell her child to them. Such
poverty-stricken and desperate woman sells her child to them and the
buyer of the child (couple) pretend to be the parents of the child.
This practice sometimes turn sour, whereby the real mother of the
child comes back to collect her child from the couple after
sometime. Refusal to give back the child may cause a very big
problem amongst them and may also lead to public disgrace.
Children are a gift from God. That they have not come yet should not
come first in a home, especially when the couple profess love for
each other. Couples should consider children as an added blessing to
the home, not what must determine their own (couple’s) happiness.
The first thing that should make a man get married to a lady is
“love”. Love conquers all. If love is there, children will not be
the first priority in the marriage and when the marriage is
childless, the man should not always put the blame on the woman
alone. The man should check himself at the same time to know the
reason for the problem.
Childlessness should not make a man deny his wife the love and
attention that she deserve. The act of desperation, i.e going the
extra mile to purchase a child should be out of the question.
Adoption is even better, as some children even open doors for
children to come in.
Lastly, government should by all means eradicate poverty from the
country because it is the major reason why most people sell or
engage in trafficking their own children because they cannot provide
for them. And so, when they see someone who is ready to buy these
children with a huge amount of money, they oblige because they need
the money to cater for their needs.
BRIDGET wrote in from Kaduna.
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