Guy Fawkes tried to blow up parliament on the 5th of November in 1605. They still commemorate his failure in England by setting off fireworks every anniversary. Often, the weather subdues the celebrations.

Nothing is subdued on the 4th of July in the U.S., where fireworks will be bursting relentlessly. In my neighborhood, they’ll light the sky from the twilight’s last gleaming until the dawn’s early light. That’s plenty of time for me to ponder: why such exuberance?

The rebel’s rallying cry, now that was a bit disingenuous. No Taxation without representation? Blimey, no one back then had representation except for a few aristocrats! Stirring phrases about self-evident truths foreshadowed a robust democracy, but at the time understated the reality of social inequality.

Taxation? Blimey, it cost a pretty penny to defend the colonies from the French so it was a bit impolite to chuck our nice tea into Boston Harbor. No wonder some, in the cold light of day, consider the 4th of July to be England’s thanksgiving day.

Consider just one potential prospect had France won the French-Indian war: after the guillotine’s reign of terror and after Napoleon croaked, the French colonists would have been practicing the art of surrender. The Alamo would have fallen in the first couple of minutes, Santa Anna would have won, and instead of your truly beautiful land and spacious skies from sea to shining sea, they would only stretch from sea to Old Man River.

Geronimo would have been pleased, for at the first sight of him the French infantry, lacking the little Corsican dictator to lead their nervous excursions, would’ve scampered back to the redoubt.

Crikey, the parties are getting a bit raucous outside, my bemusement continues: why is everyone so darn happy to have been rid of a relatively benign Empire that spawned so many affluent democracies? Revisionists may argue Britain shouldn’t have built an empire, but would they also revise the United States’ own "Manifest Destiny" expansion from sea to shining sea?

It’s nearly midnight and they’re really getting their jollies next door. What’s all the fuss?

A day off work can’t mean that much so it can only be their delight that England passed down such a strong tradition of classical liberalism.

Into the wee hours and the sky is still illuminated from rockets’ red glare. I muse a bit more: America is indeed a great country, but what if the rebels, instead of rudely tarring and feathering our tax collectors, had been a bit more patient?

King George III was going bonkers and parliament was usurping power even as it was becoming more representative. Britain, having humiliated Napoleon, was relinquishing wartime constraints and evolving into a great democracy. In 1832, for example, the mother of parliaments passed reforms which changed voting from an aristocratic privilege to a middle class right.

A little patience would also have seen a reduction in taxes. With France squashed and the little dictator stewing on St. Helena, Great Britain reduced a series of taxes and even temporarily abolished the income tax in 1816.

Overall, Britain turned out quite nicely as did most of its colonies: free and affluent with an emphasis on human rights and rule of law. Just last month the vast majority of Falklanders, enjoying liberty and a vibrant economy, hailed their British liberators on the 25th anniversary of the squelching of invading Argentinean forces in the Falklands War. Why then, do you celebrate so demonstrably on the 4th of July?

At wits end I almost conclude your zealous celebrations were a big thanksgiving for being a former British colony. Nah … I’m just overwrought by sleep deprivation.

Entering a semi-sleep stupor, my mind is freed and I finally come around to the obvious: you are now the world’s beacon of democracy. It is I who should be giving thanks for letting me pledge allegiance and participate in your country. Let the fireworks continue to illuminate your great democracy.