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CRAFT OF FICTION

01 - 06 - 2008


Sturgeon in the palace

By NICHOLA OKORO__________________________________________

They were on their way to paradise except that they knew little or nothing about it. Their knowledge was the remnant of what the preacher sermoned. The road was freer as they commenced. It was dark too. They had to bump into one another. They felt themselves only to call themselves humans. But where were they? They wondered! One of them had a clear memory; he knew he was a spirit without a cloak. The ignoramuses scoured for their clothes for nothing. He let them know, those with cloaks had the tendency of wearing clothes. He told them that despite the fact that where they were looked familiar, it wasn’t’ the first earth. They had to subdue the shock of transition. Their plight was that they weren’t ready to migrate.

“What sort of journey is this?” Professor enquired.

Mandillas thought that as soon as he died, he would soar like the angels  to heaven. He entitled himself philanthropist. He claimed he gave all. Was it why they called him the father of the people? But he referred to people as “ingrates” cause according to him, they never bade him “thank you, sir.” He expected them to lie on the ground when he performed the duty. The worst was that he announced it to his friends and neighbours. They would chastise the persons he had mentioned to them.

“Mandillas is a good man. He has helped the universe. But they have remained uselessly ungrateful,” Biko uttered.

“Are you talking to me or is there someone else with you; invisible person, I mean?”

“Don’t insult an old man like me. That’s why being nice to people is in extinction.”

“Who has been nice to who? Is it Mandillas, that shameless old man who has merit award in telling lies?”

“Show some respect, young man. He built your house for you. He bought the Jeep you ride all over town. Isn’t it a relief to enjoy some luxury?”

“I see what mechanics is all about. Go, tell him, he’s a big liar. Anyway, why doesn’t he attest it before me? People have known him except his other birds of a feather. In fact, I’ll be in his place to talk sense into his head. He’s a gossip. An old man!”

“Do you know who you’re referring to?”

“Have I told you it’s the slip of tongue? He only gave me four pieces of nails to extend the wires I use in spreading my clothes. Let me ask you this, if one gave you four pieces of nails for anything, does it imply that that one has done it for you?”

“No!”

“Then, it’s why I keep denying it. If not, it’s useless denying good meted to one.”

That was Mandillas’s profession. The ignoramuses called him a saint. They compared him with mother Theresa.

In his village, he was a card carrier of a known party. He, they gave wrappers, bags of rice, soaps and others to share to the people. But rather, he sold it to them. He let his courtesans have some. He let his companions have their share too. Wasn’t it how he sold the tag that had the picture of the president on it to them? They were too ignorant for a country to move on. A government could grow and develop if the people use their brains effectively. His craftiness didn’t let him remain in a place selling it; he walked  from one place to another selling it for N5.00 or N10.000. he compared himself with the youth. Out of jealousy, he asked them what they had done to their people. They were calm ‘cause their plans were pregnant. Another reason was courtesy.

 

Professor was the vice chancellor of a certain university. A very avaricious man. Brutal in all sense and inhuman. None of his offspring got their tutelage in his country. They also didn’t know the rigours of registration. He was a guru according to people. He could make a sentence with a particular word and each would have different meaning. A notable writer in the sense of mundane knowledge. It got to a stage, whatever he said was assumed to have emerged from heaven. One day a young one supposed that it was his fart that they used in making perfume.

On ascending the throne, he made the tuition fee appreciate. But the undergraduates couldn’t protest ‘cause it’d be to their detriment. Gone were those days when things were easy for undergraduates. In order to console themselves, they decided to work harder. It wasn’t any good to spend extra years in school. One would have challenged their resolution, but should they contradict them, they’d be rusticated. It tallied with the case of a young man that went for his masters, he had accomplished the masters courses. But they didn’t let him graduate; he spent seven years for just his masters. Another spent twelve years studying medicine. What a shame. What would it profit the academics should they flagellate them in that way?

The new ages had begun being too diplomatic. One of them saw his lecturer passing, she was riding her car, the young man had to prostrate in the name of greeting. The funniest thing was that he didn’t get up until she had seen him and asked him to do so. Man has become a god. Perhaps God! That day, if not that his spirit guard wasn’t asleep, he would have been one of those people they describe as Glorious Call. Those who know their way are never captives. All the lecturer kept saying was, he was a respectful son and a true African.

Anyone who wanted to learn how to have a dead conscience could go to them. When the stupid reform or the radical reform of its sector caused confusion, people lamented. It was the shortest route to kill the young ones. The manner of admitting persons was maddening. Most parents couldn’t afford the money that involved its protocol. Most candidates sought for shorter means. Those who didn’t want to be guilty too bade education “goodbye”. They went into music and other forms of art. The others went to foreign lands to make their dreams come true. It was really a big shame that their country ostracized them thus.

Wasn’t it the same reform  that made most institutions release just a list each? That reform was too sudden and thoughtless. When the people wouldn’t manipulate it, they returned to the old style. It was a big mess! Yet, different ethnic groups held meetings in the name of togetherness and oneness. But they held general meetings, they chanted: “We are one people.” An unspeakable acrimony is lethal, fetish, barbaric and “vendattic”.

Candidates had passed the first hurdle, second and all. They waited for the lists that took ages to arrive. The first one was released, but those who expected their names were disappointed. They promised them heaven, that anyone with merit would cross the bridge. Most people had it but they had to mourn. The mediocrities got it. They said they had to protect their own. If a country had such graduates, then, she is bound to fail. Most of them asked God if they hadn’t done enough. They thought people said that one should play one’s part and  leave the rest to God. What pained them the more was the fact that those mediocrities would tell them they weren’t serious. At the end of the day, they lacked knowledge for education. They would call them illiterates first class. They were consoled further by their expecting other lists. They waited for centuries for the lists that never was. Some bought other forms in order not to lay their eggs in one basket. Some thought enough was enough ‘cause they had sat for it to the extent that they were christened ‘customers.’ Some expected miracles that many doubted except it took place. They waited for hope that often disappoints.

Among the academics, there was a clash between the few patriots and the others. They averred that it wasn’t the original list that was released. But it was too late. Sometimes it looks as if the devil is bigger than God. But they told them it was the will of God. Who wanted to hear that? It wasn’t the tired and desperate ones! If it was the will of God, why then did they pass all the stages only to be duped? They should rather have said it was the will of man to frustrate them. Wicked man! Wasn’t it why William Wordsworth asks in his poem: written in early spring?

…To her fair works did nature link the human soul that through me ran and much it grieved my heart to think what man has made of man.

… if this belief from heaven be sent if such be nature’s holy plan, have I not reason to lament what man has made of man?

There were many cases of high blood pressure among the youths. Much cases of HIV/AIDS among them. Many of them wanted to help their suffering and tired parents. They wanted to at least buy gifts to thank them for their patience in life, in everything. They didn’t want to wait to say “had I known”, or “if they had been alive, I’d have bought them a car.” Those who sow should reap it. But most times this law is void and with no effect. It was worthless being an “illiterate” in the sense of conventional wisdom, especially in an environment where they take you for a dunce should you be deficient of their paper certificate. They were willing to face “the penance of illiteracy”. No one took them serious. They got the “educated” pissed off.

They learnt the vice-chancellor was seriously sick. They all went on their knees. “God, let him not make it. That wicked man that wants us to commit suicide.” It was in his powers to make other lists be released. But all he said was that the processes of registration for those on the first list was too hectic. If it was hectic, why didn’t they let their website function well? They only gave obsolete information. They would have used the supposed impoverished system which was straightforward and easier. It meant that one who was abroad could not register it; he or she would end up getting the wrong information.

“He must die! Anyone that supported him must do the same,” they cried as they petitioned and tabled such imprecation to God.

He made those with captivating dreams to abort them. It is not all persons that have protracted will. It could be that the imprecation affected him.

People often made mention of word like A Glorious Call. Others insinuated  that a deceased would fly to heaven at once. But could it be that there was nothing of that sort? The route to the land was obscure. They were made to understand that it was mercy that made the chink of light illuminate their way. When it was withdrawn, as they floated, they bumped into some spirits who were angry.

“We know you. You’re professor. We must kill you. You Lucifer. This has proven to you that a king can not always be a king in another land. After all, who made you the vice-chancellor? Didn’t you play the role of Claudius in shakespeare’s hamlet? We must show you. We don’t mind delaying yourself and ours in the next fifty thousand  years. Or even, let us be caught up with apocalypse.

“But I haven’t died, yet. And I don’t even know you.”

“Ha… ha.. you dead man. Haven’t your colleagues told you, you’re dead? Turn back and look over there, that is your grave. Look at one of your daughters placing flowers on it. You’ve long been buried.”

It was then that he had to believe it. He sobbed the more on that realisation.

“Anyway, you could show me the path to paradise”.

“Ha ..ha.. you’re a foolish man. Anyway, we have to remind you that homogenous species attract. Hope you’ve not forgotten the law yet. After all, you frustrated many knowingly and they haven’t forgiven you. All of you must have a linkage via the thread. You  made mention of paradise. Ha… ha… hee… hee.. if you expect paradise, you can wait here. Ha… ha… paradise the home of professor of wickedness? You never played with the small people you called inferior. Education and terrestial knowledge isn’t ipso facto to heaven.”

One of them told him he aborted his dreams. He wanted to be humanitarian but he stillbore the child before his demise.

 

Mickran sat in the house all day. He cried that he was jobless. They had been told that if there was no job, they could provide or create one. He was jaded by such sermon. He preferred playing chess, draughts in the evenings. In the mornings, he slept and wouldn’t let the foam go.

He unwound by gossiping with his species in others’ shops. He expected his clothes to be washed with the best soaps and detergents. He expected to eat the best meals. He expected to lie in a decent house, but would he leave the foam? His wife had to abscond ‘cause hunger baptized her. It was better one spoke one’s mind. Those who wouldn’t bear poverty shouldn’t dare it in the name of love. If they had had a child, she would have exterminated it to be freer and happier.

When Mickran transited, he became a student. In that school, he was taught how to destroy laziness in his next earth life. But men had always had the problem of forgetfulness. It was only those with the fighting spirit that recalled almost everything. They were the mature minds that believe in reincarnation.

According to his ex-wife, she was lucky, otherwise, she would have been a widow. She thought she couldn’t stand the headache of his family. They would expect her to shave her hair for a man that couldn’t buy her one ST soap. She had to ask herself if he charmed her. But she remembered the words of Shakespeare. ‘Love is blind.’ But she countered it that infatuation and lust is a “makaho,” blind man.

Sacrifice is good but it doesn’t depict suffering.

  Poetry: Self at Thirty-five

©2005 New Nigerian Newspapers Limited.