February 14th every year is celebrated world wide as ‘Valentine’s Day’ also known as ‘Lovers’ day’. From its earliest origins, Valentine’s Day has been associated with love. Centuries ago, the Romans celebrated a feast every February called Lupercalia. The celebration included a ritual for matching young, single men and women. Names were placed in a box, a drawing was held and couples randomly matched together were partners for a year — after that it was up to them.
As Valentine’s Day draws nearer, especially for married couples who believe in it, remember the gift you choose for your loved one and how you decide to spend the day says a lot about the quality of your relationship. So give something that has real meaning to you. Gifts from the heart do not have to be expensive.
On this Day, we celebrate our love for each other through dinners, exchanges of gifts, flowers, and lots more. However, experts agree that the key to a vitalized, long-lasting relationship is what you and your partner do the other 364 days of the year. Indeed, keeping your love alive requires continual time and effort. Following are six steps you can take to keep the flame burning, not only on Valentine’s Day but also all through life with your loved one.
1. Be Friends
Any healthy relationship ought to be based on a solid underlying friendship. Remember to treat your partner with the same kindness, respect, and appreciation as you would a close friend. Support, listen to, and laugh with each other. Don’t allow yourselves to be rude or disrespectful.
2. Stay Connected
“Couples need to spend a lot of time with each other,” advises David Kaplan, Ph.D., “There is no substitute for quantity of time.” Kaplan encourages couples to take a half-day a week to go out on a date. In addition, devote at least 15 minutes of your day to meaningful, one-on-one conversation-no television or kids allowed.
3. Celebrate Each Other
Saying something kind and affectionate to your partner should be a daily habit. The expression of loving thoughts nourishes your relationship by helping you both remember what it is you treasure about each other. Let your partner know how much you appreciate him or her, and be generous with compliments and expressions of affection.
4. Fight Well
Since disagreements and arguments are inevitable, what is important is not whether you fight but how you fight. When disagreements surface, keep them short. “No more than 10 minutes,” says Kaplan. “After 10 minutes, it gets nasty and repetitive.” Also, keep boundaries on the subject matter. Don’t dredge up issues from last week or last month-keep you dispute focused on the matter at hand.
5. Listen Carefully
Being an attentive listener lets your partner know that his or her thoughts and feelings are important to you. Moreover, good listening encourages partners “to open up and be willing to share,” say Richard and Kristine Carlson, authors of Don’t Sweat the Small Things in Love (Hyperion, 1999). The secret, say the Carlsons, is not just to “hear” what your partner is saying, but also to be truly “present,” having a heartfelt desire to understand what is been said and listening without being judgmental.
6. Maintain Your Sense of Self
Partners must learn to balance their needs as individuals with their needs as a couple. “On one hand, you don’t want people to be too far apart emotionally. If you don’t spend time together, you become disengaged emotionally,” says Kaplan. “The other end of the spectrum is couples that become too dependent on each other and their individual identity gets lost.” Ideally, the two of you should be close enough to have intimacy, yet “far enough away to have individual identity,” says Kaplan. Don’t be afraid to develop some friendships and interests separate from your partner.